Navigating Children and Plus-Ones on Your Guest List

As soon as you start drafting your wedding guest list, you’ll realise it’s not as simple as just inviting the people you love and making the guest numbers work - it’s also about navigating a minefield of expectations and traditions, and this makes it one of the harder wedding planning tasks. The truth is, you absolutely have the right to invite who you want, but that doesn’t mean you won’t feel a bit nervous or guilty about it!

If you’re wondering how to handle the “Can I bring my girlfriend/boyfriend?” questions, or how to avoid your guest list being dominated by screaming kids, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s everything you need to know about managing additional guests, without losing your sanity (or any of your best friends).

Decide what you want for your wedding day

Before you start to worry about anyone else’s opinions, make sure you and your partner are clear on what you really want. Do you want an intimate ceremony and a child-free reception where everybody can really cut loose? Or are you picturing a big family celebration with kids running around on the lawn?

When it comes to your grown-up guests, would you rather celebrate with an intimate gathering, and only give plus ones to close family and friends? Or would you prefer that all of your guests had someone to dance the night away with? Once you know you know what's going to bring joy to you both, it’s much easier to draw a line and stick to your guns!

Option 1: Adults Only Wedding

Although it’s growing in popularity, this one can still be somewhat controversial. But let’s be honest, you’re planning a wedding, not starting a creche! Whether it’s about budget constraints, venue capacity, or simply wanting a more refined and grown-up atmosphere for your big day, going adults-only is totally fine! The key to avoiding hurt feelings is to communicate your choice clearly and kindly, and give parents plenty of notice to arrange childcare.

It can be tricky to find the right words to convey your decision to exclude kids, but we find a simple “While we love your little ones, our wedding will be an adults-only celebration” usually does the job nicely! If you’re planning a weekend celebration or a destination wedding, recommending some local babysitting services or family-friendly accommodation options at the same time shows you’ve thought about your guests' needs even if their kids aren’t invited.

Option 2: Some Kids, But Not All

Ok, this is where things can get a bit tricky! You might want your nieces and nephews there, but not your co-workers' triplets, and do you know what? That’s fine.

It’s very normal to include “VIP” kids, such as your flower girl, ring bearer, or godchildren, while keeping the rest of the event adult-only. Just be prepared that you might have to have some awkward conversations with the other guests - especially if they have children of the same age who didn’t get an invite.

You can pre-empt any awkwardness with a short note on your wedding website - something like “We’re keeping the guest list small and intimate, so we’re only able to include children in our immediate families.”

Option 3: A Child-Friendly Wedding

If your vibe is more family barbecue than black-tie affair, then go ahead and open it up to everyone. But bear in mind that including children will change the dynamic and atmosphere of your big day.

If you’re inviting kids, consider offering a children’s menu and providing snacks throughout the day, as well as setting up a kids' activity zone or hiring a children’s entertainer. Whilst you shouldn’t have to adjust your timeline based on the children, it’s worth remembering that half of your guests might disappear around bedtime never to return, so make sure you get the important stuff out of the way before the watershed!

Navigating Plus One Etiquette

Now, onto the grown-up source of guest list stress: who gets a plus-one. Adding a plus one to every invite can honestly double your final guest count in the blink of an eye, and suddenly you’re paying for 30 extra 3-course meals for people you’ve never even met! Here are some of the most common (and totally valid) approaches to handling plus ones.

Long Term Partners Only

If someone is married, engaged, or in a committed relationship (such as living together or in a serious long-term relationship), they get a plus one. Everyone else? Not necessarily. This keeps the guest list fair and realistic without turning it into a free-for-all. Sure, those close friends who are all loved-up in a new relationship might not love it, but they’ll probably understand - especially if they aren’t the only ones.

Immediate Family and Bridal Party Only

Some couples choose to allow plus ones for the wedding party only, or the wedding party and immediate family members. Again, the rest of the guests might not be too happy, but they’ll all be in the same boat - they can even bond over it during the cocktail hour!

A Case-By-Case Basis

A tad trickier to manage, but you can take a case-by-case approach, especially if you're planning a more intimate wedding. Maybe you’re happy for your BFF to bring a date, but not that second cousin you’ve only met three times in your life. Just try to be consistent where possible, and remember, it’s your wedding and you don’t have to justify your choices!

How to Communicate Your Guest List Decisions

This is where your wedding website or digital invites come in handy. Address your wedding invitations clearly. If you’re only inviting one person, just put their name; if you’re including a plus one, then use “Joe Bloggs and Guest” or “Joe Bloggs and Jane Smith”; and if you’re inviting children, then list each child by name on the invitation.

With a Say I do, you have full control over the RSVP form - you can invite people individually, attach named plus ones or add a blank one if you don’t know their name. You can even group guests together as families to keep things more streamlined!

The bottom line is that guest list decisions are personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, so do what feels right to you. You’re not banning kids because you’re a fun sponge, and you’re not refusing plus ones because you’re a control freak - you’re just trying to plan a day that works for you, financially, logistically, and emotionally!