How to Manage a Tiered Wedding Guest List (Without Hurting Any Feelings!)

Whilst there is plenty to love about wedding planning, from dress shopping to finding the right venue, some other aspects of planning your big day aren't quite as enjoyable. Deciding on the guest list for your wedding day often means making some tough decisions - whether your choice of wedding venue means a constrained guest count, or you just want an intimate wedding, there's a reason that managing your guest list has a reputation for being stressful! If you're the kind of person who hates making decisions, then fear not, we're here to guide you through the process of creating a 3-tier wedding guest list - and the good news is that it's not as complicated as it sounds!

Sorting your A list from your B list

The first step in organising your tiered wedding guest list is to create your three tiers. Starting with your must-invite guests, AKA your A list. This is usually your close family members, wedding party or BFFs - the people you absolutely cannot imagine your big day without. The next tier would be your B list, or the people you'd love to celebrate with you - this might include extended family, close friends and long-time co-workers, though it's completely up to you who makes the cut for every tier. The last tier is a “backup list” of those friends or colleagues it would be nice to invite - this often includes distant relatives, work friends, or acquaintances.

How many guests can you invite?

Once you've got your tiers sorted, it's time to work out exactly how many people you can invite - most couples find that they want to invite more people to their wedding than they can accommodate, especially if they're planning an intimate affair, but that's where a tiered guest list really comes into its own!

The final number of guests might be dictated by any number of things, from venue capacity to your overall budget, or even the vibe of wedding you're going for. A small wedding is obviously going to require a much heavier-handed approach with culling your guest list than a large luxury wedding! However, the beauty of the tiered approach is that you can go straight to your third tier when looking to cut guest numbers, rather than editing your entire guest list.

You might find it helpful to split your guest list between the two of you - traditionally wedding guest lists are divided into thirds: a third for each family, and the remaining third being made up of friends, but you might find a 50/50 split of family and friends works better for you, or even agreeing on a percentage of the guest list being mutual friends. If your parents are contributing to the cost of the wedding, they may feel entitled to invite some of their friends or have a say over the guest list in general. Avoid any sticky situations, like them getting overexcited and inviting their work colleagues and a bunch of second cousins, by having a frank conversation with them nice and early on about their expectations.

Invite close friends and family members first

Traditionally, you would send out save the dates to your entire guest list around a year in advance of your actual wedding, but with a tiered guest list, things work a little differently. The downside of inviting your guests in stages is that, depending on how many guests you can accommodate, you can only really send save the dates to your A list, and possibly your B list initially, so the rest of your guests won't get so much advance warning. Of course, the fact that your A list is made up of your bridal party and immediate family members means that you'll probably feel comfortable pushing them for an RSVP so that you can quickly move on to inviting the next tiers.

Once everyone in tier 1 has given an indication of whether or not they'll be able to attend your wedding, you can move on to inviting your tier 2 and 3 guests. If your list is much larger than the number of guests you can accommodate, you'll want to send these out strategically, and like the first round of wedding invites, wait for responses until you send another round.

Avoiding hurt feelings with a tiered guest list

The first rule of a tiered guest list is... don't mention the tiered guest list - your high school friends don't need to know they're actually on the C list! The diplomatic way of dealing with any awkward questions is to say that your venue size means that guest numbers are limited, so you're staggering invites to avoid having to uninvite anyone.

Another good way of avoiding offending people is to make sure you treat members of the same family in the same way - putting three of your cousins on the B list, and another two on the C list is a sure-fire way to offend people. That said, this is your wedding, and you shouldn't feel obligated to invite anyone you don't actually want to spend time with on your special day!

Plus ones and children are another sensitive subject when it comes to wedding invites, and there is no hard and fast rule about how to manage this with a tiered guest list. Whilst you shouldn't feel obliged to include your Auntie's live-in partner in your wedding day, you don't want anyone to feel slighted - make sure you communicate your policies on kids and plus ones carefully and kindly!

Managing your guest list with a wedding website

Whilst there's nothing that could make creating your guest list a completely stress-free experience, when it comes to managing it, your Say I do website is about to make life a lot easier! You'll be able to clearly see who you've invited so far, and whether they've RSVP'd before moving on to the next round of wedding invites, or even adding extra guests.

Want to invite your best friends and close family to attend your intimate ceremony, but fancy opening up your reception to your entire family tree? With a wedding website, you can create separate events within your wedding and easily manage invitations for each part of your big day.

So you see, creating and managing a tiered guest list doesn't have to be a headache - if you follow the format, communicate clearly and use the right tools to manage it, you'll breeze right through it!