What to Do When You and Your Partner Have Different Wedding Visions

Whilst it would be lovely to be on the same page as your partner 100% of the time, most people experience at least some push and pull when it comes to big life decisions. Hopefully, you agree about whether you want kids, where to live, and how to split the bills, but what happens when you sit down to plan your big day and discover that your wedding vision is completely at odds with theirs?!

Everything’s been going swimmingly - the question has been popped, the ring is firmly on the finger, and you’ve been excitedly telling your friends and family the amazing news - you’re getting married! You settle down one evening with a bottle of wine to look through wedding magazines together, and - shock, horror - you can’t agree on anything! You like the sound of a cool minimal vibe, your partner likes traditional and floral; you want an intimate micro wedding, they want to invite 300 guests. Planning a wedding is stressful at the best of times, but conflicting ideas for your big day can leave you feeling like you want to call the whole thing off! If you’re going round and round in circles and can’t agree on anything, read on for a few tips on what to do when you and your partner have different wedding visions.

Set clear boundaries

The wedding planning process can truly take over your entire life - maybe you find yourself absent-mindedly scrolling through Pinterest while you’re queuing for the loo, making it the subject of every conversation, or waking up in the early hours ruminating about your wedding. It might be tempting to keep the conversation about your big day open 24/7, but if you and your partner are butting heads, then that can be super exhausting, and it’s time to set some boundaries to preserve your relationship.

Schedule wedding planning time

Rather than talking about it over dinner, on the sofa while you’re watching TV, or in the car on the way to the supermarket, try to schedule time to plan your wedding. Set a timer for an hour, and agree to shut the door on any wedding talk once the allotted time is up - you could even take a walk as a circuit breaker when you’re finished.

Stay open-minded

It can be hard to keep an open mind when someone is vetoing all of your ideas, but once you’re in defensive mode, you’re unlikely to be able to see ways to compromise. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your partner’s differing opinion and taste isn’t a rejection of you, and this isn’t about either of you winning or losing - the ideal solution is to find even the tiniest bit of common ground and then begin to build your celebration collaboratively from there, and staying open-minded is key to this.

Focus on what you can agree on

Kick-starting the wedding planning process by tackling the things you agree on, whether that's booking certain wedding vendors or deciding on the hors d'oeuvres for your cocktail hour. Taking some time off from pulling in different directions could mean that your stress levels drop, and you begin to dream into a shared vision for your celebration.

Identify your priorities

Although you might not like it, you’re going to have to accept that your wedding isn't going to be exactly how you've been dreaming of it. It can be helpful for both you and your partner to write down your top three priorities in order of importance, along with the reasons why they’re so important to you, whether that's related to personal values, cost, or other factors. When you put them together, you might find that you have very different priorities - perhaps the most pressing matter for your partner is the band, whilst yours is the flowers, and hopefully, talking about why those things are so important to you will help you to concede to each other a bit.

Weddings always require compromise

You’re probably sick of hearing about how you need to compromise - yes, it’s a cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason. The only way you’re going to get to the point where you’re saying your vows in front of your loved ones is if you find some middle ground - and of course, it's a good lesson for marriage in general, which is all about compromise!

Create a list of the things that you disagree on, and see if you can find solutions for each of them - ask yourself if there's a secret option C that you haven't considered. If you want completely different wedding venues, is there another venue that includes the best bits of both of them? If you want to elope and your partner wants a big celebration, could you have an intimate wedding day and follow it up with a big party with your family and friends at a later date?

Hire a wedding planner

Having another person offer advice and input can help dissolve any tension, and for this reason, a wedding planner might just save the day when it comes to wedding planning conflicts! They should be able to mediate your planning meetings and help you to come up with compromises and solutions that you might not have otherwise thought of. An experienced wedding planner will also have a wealth of expertise they can draw on, saving you time and energy when it comes to researching possible alternatives for the big sticking points.

Many couples find planning a wedding to be one of the biggest challenges they've faced yet, but don't forget there's no right or wrong way to celebrate your big day. Try to let go of external pressure about how your wedding should look, and instead focus on the things that really matter to both of you. The important thing is that you have fun on your wedding day and begin your life together feeling proud of your hard work and full of happiness and joy!