The Ultimate Guide to Writing Your Wedding Vows

Exchanging vows is one of the most significant moments of your wedding day—it's your chance to express your love, commitment, and promises for the future in front of your closest friends and family. While traditional vows hold deep meaning for many couples, writing your own can add an extra layer of intimacy and personality to your ceremony. If the thought of putting your feelings into words seems daunting, don’t worry—we’ve got you covered! Here we'll walk you through the process of crafting heartfelt, meaningful, and balanced vows that capture the essence of your relationship.

The moment where you exchange vows is arguably the most important part of your wedding day - after all, you’re only making the biggest commitment of your life in front of all your friends and family - no biggie! For some, the solemnity of traditional wedding vows is a non-negotiable part of getting married, but if traditional vows aren’t really your thing, then it might be time to consider writing your own wedding vows!

Writing your own vows can seem a daunting prospect, especially if you struggle to articulate your emotions. If you’re sitting in front of a blank page with an equally blank mind, then we’ve got you! In this guide, we’ll explore how to write your own personalised vows, leaving you feeling confident about putting pen to paper to create vows that capture the true strength of your feelings.

Why write your own wedding vows?

Whilst some people prefer to stick to traditional vows for religious or cultural reasons, there has been a huge upward trend in couples customising wedding vows in recent years. Choosing to write your own wedding vows means that you get to make promises that really mean something to you both, making them more heartfelt and emotionally charged, which naturally leads to a wedding ceremony that feels more personal and meaningful.

Tips for writing wedding vows yourself

There really are no rules when it comes to vow writing - traditional wedding vows might follow a certain structure, but when it comes to writing your own, the structure and flow are up to you! That said, it’s a good idea to agree on structure and tone with your partner before you write them - it’s not great if one of you goes for lengthy and gushing while the other goes for short and tongue-in-cheek! Here are a few tips to get you started:

Give yourself plenty of time Rushing to write your vows the night before the ceremony is not a good look! If you want to feel confident saying your vows in front of all your loved ones, then give yourself lots of time to hone them - we’re talking months here!

Plus, reading your vows through to a trusted friend or family member can be absolutely invaluable - they can offer feedback, and you get to practise ahead of the big day to calm your nerves!

Plan your personalised vows

Are you going to write your vows together or surprise each other at the ceremony with them? Or maybe something in between the two sounds good to you - part surprise and part shared wedding vows. If you’re going for a surprise, then it’s a good idea to get someone to read through them both to check that they are on the same page and they aren’t too starkly different!

Write about your feelings

This one might not come naturally to you, but it’s a good place to start, even if it feels a bit cringe. Get a notepad, or open a Google doc, set a five-minute timer, take a deep breath and just start free writing on why you want to marry your partner - don’t worry about grammar, punctuation or any of that boring stuff - this is about getting your creative juices flowing, and putting your emotions into words before that silly old rational brain gets in the way! If the idea is still making you cringe, then you can promise yourself you’ll burn or delete it later.

Once you’ve emptied your brain onto the page, read back through it and see if anything jumps out at you - chances are you’ll find some gems in there that you can weave into your wedding vows.

Research wedding vows

There’s no harm in having a look at what other people are doing before you crack on with writing your own vows. Get familiar with the traditional vows, as well as alternative vows - there are lots of posts on forums and blogs with alternative wedding vow examples all over the internet.

Borrow lines and phrases from books, TV and movies that have meaning to you both - make lots of notes and don’t be afraid to plagiarise; this is a great way to honour your shared interests and to share an in-joke or two!

Make your own personalised wedding vows

Think about the promises you want to make to your partner. What are the commitments you can make to keep your relationship strong and healthy? You could take inspiration from traditional wedding vows and promise to love and support them no matter what, but you’ll probably want to include some vows that are more personal to the two of you as well. It’s always nice when there’s a balance of heartfelt and humorous vows - maybe you vow to always listen to them talk about surfing or to always hang the loo roll how they like it!

Bring it all together and edit

It’s time to pull everything together and edit your vows into something cohesive. Most wedding vows start by setting the scene - remind your partner and your guests of how you first met, and let them know how it felt. Next, you can move on to why you want to marry them before segueing into the heartfelt promises. Don’t worry too much about the length in the first edit - focus on the vibe first and foremost. Remember, you’re not a stand-up comedian, so be mindful of trying to play for laughs (unless, you know, you are a stand-up comedian, in which case crack on!). The best vows have a nice balance of sincerity and humour, but the funny stuff should never be at the expense of your partner!

The final edit is all about refining and shortening your vows - ideally, they should be 1-2 minutes long, which is longer than it sounds! If you’re having a hard time editing them, then ask yourself whether you could include some of the sentiments in a letter or card to give to your partner on the morning of the wedding.

Practice makes perfect

It might be tempting to memorise your vows and go in without a written version, but this can be a recipe for disaster! You might have recited them perfectly fifty times or more, but standing up there in front of everyone is something quite different, and you just might freeze - trust us, it always pays to have your vows on hand!

Much more important than memorising your vows is practising them - you really can’t practise them enough! You might not have a microphone for the ceremony, so practise saying your vows aloud, speaking clearly and loudly without shouting - imagine your Grandad’s forgotten his hearing aid; you wouldn’t want him to miss out, would you?

Ultimately, you make the rules when it comes to writing your own personalised wedding vows - you can’t really go wrong if you’re speaking from the heart! The most important thing is that the words you say mean something to you and your partner, and only you can be the judge of that. So now that you've got a handle on the whole vow-writing thing, what are you waiting for?! Get cracking and write something that feels authentic and meaningful to you!