How to Include Your Family in Your Wedding

According to tradition, the bride's parents are supposed to pay for the wedding. Given this situation, it was inevitable that the parents would be involved during wedding planning and on the day itself. Of course, times have changed, and couples are doing things a little differently. Whether parents (of either side) are contributing financially or not, it's important to incorporate family members into the celebration in a way that everyone’s happy with.

When thinking about how to involve family members in your wedding, a good place to start is to think about what skills any of them may have. Can someone play a musical instrument and feel comfortable playing during the ceremony or reception? Is anyone in your family ordained and could act as your wedding officiant? What about a family member who's fanatical about vintage cars and would be willing to drive you to the wedding in their pride and joy? Thinking about any passions and skills your family members may have from the off will kickstart the process of getting them involved right away.

Alternatively, tackle it by dividing the day up into three parts: before the wedding, during the wedding ceremony, and during the wedding reception, and approaching those who you think might be able to help out with certain tasks. Ultimately, both parties need to be comfortable with contributions, so keep the communication channels open from the beginning to avoid any awkwardness down the line.

But of course, it’s not always about what skills or assets they can contribute to your big day; family members can also get involved with some of the joyful planning tasks and heartfelt traditions. Let’s dive in and see what they are…

Before the big day

Specifically, in the wedding planning process, a nice and easy way to get mums, grandmothers, mothers-in-law (to be), sisters, and aunties involved is to ask if any of them would like to go dress shopping with you or to a dress fitting. On the day itself, it may be a good opportunity and a nice touch to ask if one of them has something you could borrow for the wedding day, perhaps in the form of a veil, a piece of jewellery, or a vintage handbag. After all, you've got to tick off something old, borrowed, and blue somehow!

A fun way to get both sets of parents involved in some of the decision-making is to see if they'd like to accompany you to your menu and wine-tasting meeting at your wedding venue. Whether they are foodies or not, it's an enjoyable task where everyone can get involved and feel part of the day.

If you're decorating your chosen wedding venue, it may be a good time to ask for some help from your more creative family members. But just make sure you have a clear vision that you can easily relay to your helpers to avoid things going off-piste. While creating the decor, you may want to ask these members to help on the day itself and the day after if you're responsible for clearing the decks post-wedding.

During the wedding ceremony

Having a first look with the father of the bride is a lovely, melt-your-heart tradition which is incredibly popular in the Western world. But there's nothing that says you can't give others a first look, too! To make this moment even more special, be sure it is photographed so you can both look back on it for years to come.

It's easy to forget what the phrase 'giving you away' actually means, so don't underestimate the importance of this role. Traditionally, the bride's father gives her away, but it's completely your call. If you don’t feel comfortable with this, why not have both parents walk down the aisle before or after you? That means you can walk down the aisle alone or accompanied by someone else.

Choosing the wedding party is also completely your decision, but including family members or extended family members is a nice way to make them feel involved. You may have a niece or nephew that you'd like to ask to be a flower girl or page boy, which is always a cute addition to the wedding ceremony.

Wedding ceremonies call for two witnesses to sign the register; any parent or sibling would feel honoured to be asked to be your official witness. Alternatively, get family members involved in the wedding festivities by asking someone to do a reading during the ceremony or a parent of either side to hold onto the wedding rings.

During the wedding reception

Asking a family member to give a speech at the reception is a surefire way to make them feel involved. Usually, the father of the bride will give a speech, but again, there's nothing stopping any family member from saying a few words. If you, your partner, or both of you give a speech, this is the perfect opportunity to thank whoever was involved and helped make the day so special.

Whether you have two left feet or if you're a dance floor diva, a fun way to get parents involved is to think about a special dance that's in addition to your first dance. Why not create a father-daughter dance, a mother-daughter dance, or even a mother-son dance at the reception?

Think about your table layout carefully and incorporate family members. They don't all have to be at the top table, but placing them at the table nearest you will make them feel thought about and special. Ask the photographer to take special photos of just you, your parents, and your siblings, or even hang photos of you and your other half and your families throughout the years around your venue.

Your day, your way

Don't forget that seeing you get married is a big day for your parents and other family members too, so involving them in the proceedings will make them feel special. Make a plan with your fiancé about what you think they could get involved in so you remain in control of the situation. Then speak to family members to see if they are comfortable contributing whatever you are proposing, and go from there. It's your day, so make sure you are the one calling the shots, but as the saying goes, 'many hands make light work,' so there’s nothing wrong with having a plan and recruiting family members to help where you most need it.